Why have you forgotten how to love wild and free? Private moments with you used to leave me speechless. You told me to say what is on my mind, but I was not always processing thoughts to be said. With you, this love moved gently. I was processing emotions to be felt, their intensity captivated me, heart and soul. Everything I felt for you, with you, left me breathless and lost in wonder. We carried a miracle within ourselves, and as I replayed the memories in my head, I realized: we did learn to heal, but we chose to hurt instead.
In a single lifetime, we spend so much of our time worrying about picking up the broken pieces, putting them back together, holding it all together, that we miss the most important step: healing. I finally looked up and saw the wowan in the mirror staring back at me. And what I saw nearly brought me to my knees. I am in the process of healing the broken pieces. Again. Without you.
Why have you forgotten how to love wild and free? Close your eyes, take a deep breath, imagine touching your fingertips to mine. It is electric, but softer. Milk and honey, so sweet. You refresh my soul. The warmth of you wraps itself around my heart, and I can't let go. A thousand more times I should have wrapped my arms around you, I should have kissed your cheek, I should have pulled you close all over again and looked into those mesmerizing eyes. But, I didn't. Not so long ago, we both asked for distance. Out of that distance, we created misery. And out of the misery, we lost this amazing love story. We were both changed by our choices, but what was lost, we regrew to be profound. Only to lose all over again.
Why have you forgotten how to love wild and free? There were nights I stood at my front door and waged a war against myself I barely seemed to win. I so badly wanted to be with you. Instead, I turned the lock and whispered into the darkness: "I love you. Sweet dreams." You were hurting, no part of me was okay with letting you go through that alone. I was always there for you, yet when I needed you most, you were gone. To this day I still smell you on my shirt, so I sleep in it. I still feel you so deep inside me, so I hold you in my dreams. I still hear the desire in your voice, so I write. There wouldn't be a night I would let turn to day, without telling you how much I needed you. This life didn't make sense before you, and now it doesn't make sense without you. Forever used to be a notion I thought was made only for fairytales. But it was real. It was you. You are what forever meant to me.
Why have you forgotten how to love wild and free? Close your eyes. Go on a picnic with me. The shade of a sleepy oak tree. Checkered red and white blanket, woven wicker basket. Cold drinks. A plate full of warm homemade cookies. Two dishes heaping with ice cream. And strawberries. Lots and lots of strawberries. One spoon. The tinkling bells of a nearby creek, skipping over rocks worn smooth. Sunshine playfully dipping in and out of the water. This dream is now yours, you may take it from here...
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